No day invites conflict like Christmas Day. Consider it as a template for conflict resolution:
I know you are in a rush and it’s all going to work out! But, it’ll work out a little better if you’ll employ some or all of the following three tactics for a better moment (especially for Christmas day). The picture is what we want.
BUT— 99% of us have some kind of conflicts or frustrations with others on Christmas Day . I know it feels horrible, but it’s actually a day just like the rest of the year when it comes to conflicts! We only are EXPECTING IT to be BETTER for 1 Single Day! That really adds to the problem. The other thing that hurts is that we are all different; the very reason we where drawn together. One of my professors you to tell us,
IF YOU’RE BOTH THE SAME, THEN ONE OF YOU ISN’T NECESSARY
Here are the 3 things you can do for everything to be profoundly better. I won’t take the time to explain why, just try them out and see if things are good:
1. Realize and think about what one of my friends/mentors (Robert Fritz) says, “We are on loan to each other.” That is exactly right. It’s only going to last for a little while. We don’t own and can’t control each other… so, STOP IT!
2. Realize you don’t know the future, but pretend that you do all the time. When you ‘know’ that someone is going to not like a gift or someone is going to misbehave…you are mentally presuming upon the future (and God’s providence). You might be right, but you might be wrong. Why not settle into just being an honest person who can say, “I don’t know.” Is it going to be a good day? I don’t know. Will Uncle Rufus make fun of the cheese grits? I don’t know. Will Cindy Lu be upset about the roast beast like last year? I don’t know. You get the idea…it will free you to allow what happens to just unfold.
3. In any situation, you can finally realize that the circumstances won’t last forever. We live in TIME, which means change. We aren’t yet in an eternal hell or heaven, but when you think something bad will last forever, that is hell. Try saying these words to yourself a few times when something isn’t quite perfect, “It won’t last forever.” You’ll be surprised how calming it is!
Merry Christmas (and the rest of the year)!
Off to learn,
Fred Ray Lybrand
P.S. I’d love to hear your thoughts. Also you can get these regular insight by joining my occasional contact list (un-join anytime): SUBSCRIBE ME
“The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing. ” ―Walt Disney Company
In The One Success Habit (You Can’t Do Without), I stress a vital piece of reality…Action’s the Thing. The fact is that nothing happens until something moves (see Einstein). I’m a fan of planning and what I like to call imagination work, but it doesn’t change the fact that when you tweet you get more followers. That goes with advertising or following up with your reports on a project.
A simple way to look at it is to ask two questions (especially if you want to be strategic):
1. What will probably happen if I take this action?
2. What will probably happen if I take no action?
That will sort out a lot, assuming you have thought about what you want to happen!
Fred Ray Lybrand
I rarely do this, but I’m piggy-backing on an article I saw this week by Dr. Carol Morgan. She matches my on conviction with one of her mottos, “Change your thinking, change your life.” My own version is—
It’s really hard to think crooked and walk straight
If you haven’t thought about it yet, it is way past time. The way you think about cooking, sales, schooling, love, relationships, driving, playing boggle or Catan, communication, money, government, and makeup ALL affect how you act and react. I used to worry a fair amount about everyone being happy / pleased / grateful toward me. One day, however, wrestling with this brought me to a fresh conclusion as I read how someone else came to grips with the issue by thinking differently. I realized —
No matter what, about 1/3 of the people who get to know you will love you…about 1/3 will hate you…and about 1/3 won’t care about you either way!
That may sound discouraging to you, but it gave me a fresh way to appreciate the supportive people in my life (P.S. Jesus, Socrates, and Lincoln’s numbers where a good bit lower 😉 So, how do you change your thinking away from toxic misbeliefs? Dr. Morgan’s article has some good thoughts (12 Poisonous Thoughts That Are Sabotaging Your Life) about this issue. In fact, here’s her list:
1. Thinking that you are a victim.
2. Thinking that you can change other people.
3. Thoughts that constantly resist “What Is.”
4. Thinking that “The Grass is Always Greener on the Other Side.”
5. Having expectations of other people.
6. Thinking that having a significant other will complete you.
7. Feeling that you always need to prove that you are right.
8. Worrying about what other people think.
9. Thinking there is only ONE right and ONE wrong.
10. Worrying about the future because you feel unprepared.
11. Thinking that money equals happiness.
12. Believing that the past determines your future.
Identifying them doesn’t ‘cure’ them, so what do you do? The most ready-to-use answer is to learn how to argue with yourself (Lord knows you CAN argue if you were ever a teen!). Most of the problem is that these kinds of toxic thoughts get to the level of belief or assumptions. When they get there they are ‘automatic’ in that you just aren’t aware of them influencing your decisions and behaviors.
So, how do you argue with them? Start by answering this one question, “What are 3 reasons this might be wrong?” Honestly, if you’ll start doing that (and adding reasons as you go) you will see this practice start to loosen the toxic thought’s grip on you.You can doubt anything if you question it enough. The other thing to do is to find out what is true and think about that in addition to arguing with yourself. Personally, the Bible has been my best source for this step. Hope this helps.
Off to learn,
Fred Ray Lybrand
Maybe what you don’t like happening is your fault. Maybe you are encouraging the wrong
things in your life. Success is clearly about communication, and we communicate
in many subtle ways. It may just simply be that you are communicating to others
that you want THE OPPOSITE of what you really want.
Just ask, “How am I encouraging ______________________?”
What does you mind tell you ?
Great…now think about how to encourage something different. If you only have
creeps coming up and talking to you, change what you are wearing (or where you
go). If only marginal people apply for the job, change the amount you’ll pay and
where you look for employees.
You may get the idea…but you won’t learn it until you practice it!
Fred Ray Lybrand